Japanese Beautiful Model

Editting wanted for Narrative Paragraph?

I'm writing a narrative paragraph for English class for homework. We had to reflect on our experience that resulted with emotion. I wrote this, please help edit doesn't have to be a lot. I just need to add in descriptions and such. << Just make it up :) But this story was true. Now I’m not a fan of this person by any means, but after this whole experience I have so much respect for this person and I have looked up to her as a model of happiness, making the best out of what you have and truly embracing it. It was the last week of August on a Monday, when my friend, Carmen, and I were resting outside of the Sutton Hotel after finishing lunch at McDonalds in Downtown. I remember this because Tamara Taggart had told us it was one of the hottest weeks of summer yet. We saw many people passing by suggested to try the street’s Japadog stand, as colourful printed flyers were handed out to them. Although I wasn’t really interested in trying Japanese hotdogs, the wonderful smell of barbeque roaming in the air that made me sleepy. It was the sound of stilettos on the concrete side walk that woke me up, or rather, brought me back to reality. This lady was talking to what seemed like her girlfriend, blatantly mentioned she saw Paris Hilton a block away. At the time I thought she was just causing commotion and attention with people on the streets. I mean, Paris? In Vancouver? She was rolling her eyes anyways, and so was I to a reaction of hers. Few minutes later a crowd of flashes came running through in our direction, towards the Sutton. Everything was happening really fast. There had to be at least 20 or so more people of paparazzi, fans and even bystanders were flashing their fancy elongated, black canon cameras as if they expected this to happen. Many bystanders on the road and side walks looked confused when they looked at the crowd. It was hard to see from a far distance, but a good view once I got in. Paris is a incredible blond beauty. She covered her eyes in thick framed, gradient black shades, which I couldn’t blame too much because of the constant flash she receives. She looked neatly dressed, clutching a large black bag that was written white streams of ‘PARIS’ all over. At the time, I thought it was a bit self-absorbed, but it made sense, she’s a business women doing her job. Everything was getting heated. I felt the adrenaline rushing through my veins, the massive excitement, and star struck at the same time. It’s weird, because I’m not a fan of hers, or even know anything about her, other then her jail time. I tried to say something along the lines to Paris, “I believe that stars are blind as well” in order to get her attention, but the star struck prevented me to say anything. I didn’t care I just kept following the crowd taking pictures, and making the best out of the experience. I felt the fame through Paris; an experience I will never forget. Reminiscing back on the event I remember I felt like I was part of something important, something big and I was proud. I felt the positive energy of her smile, as she was happy to sign autographs and take pictures for paparazzi and her fans. While the massive majority of celebrities would have scurried away when spotlight is shot on them. Paris ate it up and happily signed autographs. Sure it’s attention, and its what she wants, but she is truly happy being a celebrity, something others don’t seem to respect or appreciate. I look up to her for that.

Public Comments

1. I'm going to copy your paragraph back to you here with grammatical issues worked out, okay? It needs some revising, too, of course. Begin the paragraph with "It was the last week of August".... It was the last week of August and my friend Carmen and I were resting outside of the Sutton Hotel after finishing lunch at the downtown McDonalds. I remember this because Tamara Taggart had informed us it was one of the hottest weeks of summer yet. Several people passed by with colourful printed flyers suggesting we try the street’s “Japadog” stand. Although I wasn’t really interested in trying Japanese hotdogs, the wonderful smell of barbeque roaming in the air made me sleepy. It was then that the sound of stilettos on the concrete sidewalk woke me up, or rather, brought me back to reality. This lady was talking to what seemed like her girlfriend, and blatantly mentioned she saw Paris Hilton a block away. At the time I thought she was just causing commotion and attention with people on the streets. Paris? In Vancouver? She was rolling her eyes, and I responded likewise. A few minutes later a crowd of camera flashes came rushing in our direction at the Sutton. Everything happened really fast. There had to be at least twenty or more paparazzi, fans, and bystanders flashing their fancy elongated, black Canon cameras as if they expected this to happen. Many onlookers on the street and sidewalks stood confused when they looked at the crowd. It was hard to see from a distance, but I had a good view once I got inside the hotel itself. Paris is and was an incredible blonde beauty. There she was, covering her eyes in thick-framed black sunglasses, which I couldn’t blame her for in the least with the constant camera flashes she received. She looked neatly dressed, clutching a large black bag that had ‘PARIS’ written in white lettering all over it. At the time, I thought it was a bit self-absorbed, but it did make sense: she’s a business women doing her job. Everything was getting heated; I simultaneously felt the adrenaline rushing through my veins, the massive excitement, and the awe of being in the presence of a star. It’s weird because I’m not a fan of hers - I don’t even know anything about her other then her jail time! I tried to say something to get her attention, something along the lines of “I believe that stars are blind as well,” but the starstruck moment prevented me in saying anything. I didn’t care - I just kept following the crowd taking pictures and making the best out of the experience. I felt fame through Paris; an experience I will never forget. Reminiscing on the event, I remember I felt for a moment like I was part of something important, something big, and I was proud. I felt the positive energy of her smile, as she was happy to sign autographs and take pictures for paparazzi and her fans. While the great majority of celebrities would have scurried away with the unwelcome spotlight shining on them, Paris ate it up and happily signed autographs. Sure it’s attention, and it is what she apparently wants, but she seems truly happy being a celebrity - something others don’t seem to respect or appreciate. I look up to her for that.