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Suicidal BPD teenager, and I might be bisexual, help?

Alright, so I might as well tell you my story. I'm a sophomore in high school and have had a rather rough road to travel. I spent the most of my childhood moving around a lot and living with other families due to an physically and emotionally abusive father, and now am living with my parents again. I don't foster a close relationship with either of my parents, and haven't really had a stable family life. I've suffered from emotional and mental disorders and am diagnosed with Borderline Personality. I've tried to commit suicide three times. Until recently, I didn't really have any friends either due to all of the moves. Now, things are good. I've been living in the same town for four years and have a good group of friends. I'm not popular, but I feel wanted. This is a huge leap for me, and until this last year i haven't really opened up. I've been isolating myself because I've always been pushed aside and told that I wasn't good enough. Having this "family" of friends has made a world of difference in my life. I've felt so good about it, until recently. I've always been scared of physical contact with people. I've always associated it with the abuse of my childhood. But now I'm getting over it. I'm opening up to my friends and feeling like I can really live with being myself. This was all good, but now I'm getting confused and feeling lost again. I've had relationships with guys, but I have trust issues with them. I got into an abuse relationship and only got out a few moths ago, and that's when this all started. I'm still attracted to them though. This one friend of mine has always looked after me. She's a sweet, carefree, I don't care what people think sort of girl. She's full of smile's laughs, and has a big heart. She's always listen to me and been my shoulder to cry on. She also has no sense of personal space, and we've always kidded around about being a lesbian couple (holding hands, hugging, and stuff). But now I'm afraid of losing that friendship, because I think i might be in love with her. I've always had a hard time relating to people and having relationships, just because I was never taught how. But I find myself being attracted to her. I think she's beautiful. She's one of those people that make you calm. I have been having dreams about her. I don't know if it is me feeling wanted for the first time in my life, or me truly being sexually attracted to her. I don't know if I should tell her or just hide my feelings and wait till they pass. Please help, I don't want to lose her. If you want a little info about why I'm scared to talk to my parents or anyone, my mother is an ex-priest and is crazy religious. She doesn't like gays or lesbians. My dad, obviously, I don't speak to, or at least I try. The girl, I'm not sure how she'd take it because she's Chinese and very culturally engrained, and I don't know if its possible for her to feel that way about me. I mean, guys tell me I'm hot (actually when guys tell me that it terrifies me) and I act and have done some modeling, but I don't know if she could feel that way about me. I'm slipping into depression again and have even tought about suicide, I just don't know if I can be loved.

Public Comments

1. Okay, well i think you should take it slowly. dont tell her you love her, it might freak her out. tell her that you are bisexual. she seems like a great friend and that she would except you. after a while if the feelings dont pass try talking to her about it. But first just see how she feels about you being bi. There is always going to be someone who loves you for you, more then you may think. Any many people that care about you.It will be okay.
2. I know how this feels I am bisexual and at first i was scared to admit it. I couldn't accept it for awhile. I think that when you feel like your ready you should talk to her about this. Tell her your trying to figure out if your straight or bi. I have major trust issues with guys as well. If you need to talk to someone in further detail you may do so my name is Brandi and my screename is Squeekers69@live.com Goodluck girl I hope things work out for you :)
3. Ok, first off you seem like a very strong girl, you have made it through all the abuse and everything else in your life and are still here. Please dont kill yourself now...your still very young and have a whole life time to look forward to, things will get better.. Tell your friend how you feel, exactly the way you have explained above and even tell her why you are scared to tell her how you feel. Are you sure that you might be bisexual? maybe you just feel like your in love with her and attracted to her because shes such a nice person and has been a really good friend to you, so maybe thats making you feel attached to her.. But if you are just tell her how you feel. Theres a chance she might feel a little weird about it and might not feel the same way, but if shes really your friend she will stay your friend and be there for you no matter what... You sound like a really nice girl who has been through a lot... you can and will be loved one day if you just stay true to yourself....if you would like someone to talk to you can e-mail me at jamiefaries@ymail.com ...hope you feel better =)